ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize