Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Still dying that you shit outside
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
