Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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