I heard we made out
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
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I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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