Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
