I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
