i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
