You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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