Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize