if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
