Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
