so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you would pick up someone in the library
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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