i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
