Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
