cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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