they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
