I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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