i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The uberlube is also flammable
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize