This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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