so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
