Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Randomize
