taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
