I think my fart just growled at me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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