Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
