Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
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