My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
