Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She told me I should be a condom model.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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