when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
