OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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