She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
