she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
