id be glad to
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
