Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize