CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize