dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize