ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
