u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
