wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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