At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
