i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
