There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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