Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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