I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
