If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
