Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
