Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
