Yo dont text me then not text me
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
