My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
