I'm lost and stupid without you.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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