going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
