Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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