Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize