Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just invented taco cereal.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
