i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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