Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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