i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
as a side note pls kill me
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
