Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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