conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
