I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
