i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
