dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize