Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
