I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
