I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
