You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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