I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
