What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
